My cat's name was Mousti. She died of cancer after a full life of 17 years. We were very close, she was my little buddy and you very rarely saw one without the other. She was never more than a few feet away from me.
But, all good things come to an end and I try to concentrate on the good times we had. I am still grieving her death and it has been a difficult time. I wanted to bury her at home, I couldn't stand the thought of having her cremated or buried anywhere other than the place she had known as her home.
After she was put to sleep, she was put in what I call her little coffin. A box made of hard cardboard. They had put a pillow case in the box, which served as a blanket. When we came home with her, we buried her under the big maple tree where she used to nap in the afternoon. We put a good number of flat, heavy stones on top of her grave to prevent wild animals from digging.
Behind the maple tree is a huge barn that was half broken down last winter. We were told this past week that a crew is expected to arrive with an excavator to clean up the remains of the barn. Looking at it logically, there is no way to do this and work around Mousti's grave, they'd have to disturb it for sure, so I decided to give her a new resting place, away from where the excavator will be.
First we dug her new resting place. When ready, I made a large double plastic bag, and we started to dig very carefully, in case the box she was in would still be intact. Soon we found out that it was not, because we saw pieces of the box. We scooped very carefully to get as much soil out as possible without disturbing her too much. Then Steve put the shovel very deep and picked her up. We didn't actually see her, the shovel looked as if it had a big pile of soil and pieces of the box. I held the bag wide open and he carefully put her in the bag. I closed the bag and we walked down the path to put her in her new grave. At that time, there was no smell at all.
After putting her in her new resting place we started to fill it up with soil. At that point there was some smell, but really not as bad as I had expected. We worked very quickly. When done, we covered her grave with rocks again.
If you feel that your pet needs a new resting place, I'd say don't hesitate to do it. I'm not an expert and I am sure it could have turned out differently. All I can do is write down my experience in case someone else needs to do this and is helped by this information. In hindsight, I am glad that I did this because now I know she can rest in peace.
Here is a picture of my little queen, God I miss her :(
123 comments:
Awww that brought tears to my eyes.
I'm glad she's having her own beautiful resting spot at home :)
Thanks, Martha. It's still really hard, but I guess time will do its work...
Chris, I am in the exact same boat you were in and your post has helped me a lot. I buried my beloved little buddy (I always called her my buddy too!) about 4 weeks ago and all of a sudden have to move. One thing I am hoping that might help is that it got cold here right after she was buried and I also put lime in with her. I am hoping this will have prevented decomposition and any odors. She was also buried in a milk crate covered with cloth and with a wooden lid on it so I shouldn't have to see her because it would break my heart.
Thanks again.. your instincts were right on - great help.
Hi Chris-
Been a while since I wrote; apologies.
My cat, named Mou (her twin was named Mei) simply went away just after Thanksgiving 2010. Have never known what happened.
Just found this post about Mousti's passing. I feel for you, and hope the good memories of her will always bear comfort.
Best to you, merry Christmas & love always.
Len
ReedRichards, I am sorry I didn't find your comment sooner. I feel your pain and I hope that everything went well with the relocation of your little buddy. All my best to you.
Len! Long time no see! Thanks for stopping by. I'm not sure if you know that I moved in 2010? If not, send me an email, I'll give you my new address.
I hope you had a great Holiday season!
Thank you for sharing Chris. I didn't know she had passed, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Sabs. She died in June, I still have a hard time looking at her pictures or talking about her. As she grew older, I truly dreaded the day I'd lose her, I knew it would not be an easy thing, but I never expected it would be this hard. I am grateful for the good times we had though.
I am sorry for the loss of your baby, I have found out a furry friend that lived outside at a family members house died about 2.5 weeks ago and I have no pictures and it seems no one else does. She was a sweet beautiful girl and I feel horrible that she died and I have nothing to look at now. I want to dig her up to say good bye and take a couple picks, but I am afraid she will be decomposing to much. Does anyone know what they are like after about 2.5 weeks in a plastic bag in the ground? I know this sounds morbid, but I am having a tough time knowing I will never see her or a picture of her again.
Please if anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.
Hi Kelly, I am very sorry to read this, I know it's hard and you are looking for closure.
I'm by no means an expert, but 2.5 weeks is already a considerable amount of time. However, keep in mind that it is colder under the ground than above it. It also depends on the climate you live in. If this were me, I would start by digging a random hole somewhere and check the temperature underground. If warm, then I wouldn't try digging her up.
If it's cool, you could try and dig very carefully and very slowly, you'll know soon enough whether your furry friend is intact or not. Unfortunately, my guess is not :(
Alternately, you could plant some flowers or a nice shrub on the grave and imagine your furry friend living on this way. It might give you some closure. Good luck.
Hi Kelly,
I'm posting my experience here as I recently exhumed my cat who had been dead for seven years, and I had trouble finding much in the way of guidance before I did it.
My cat Clara died in 2008, lying softly on my chest. At the time, I lived in an apartment, and I buried her in a greenbelt close to home. The city came and revamped the roadway in 2011, which cut off easy access to the burial site, and I moved into a house in 2012. Going back to get her was always unfinished business for me.
Recently, another of my cats went to the ER, and I was frightened for a day that I would lose her. Faced with the prospect of having to bury another cat, I decided to take a shovel, two large trash bags, two pairs of nitrile gloves, and to get the exhumation over with.
I girded myself for the prospect of finding fur, though I thought it most likely I'd just find a skeleton. What I found was still more surprising.
I live in mild, humid Seattle, where decomposition is relatively speedy. So speedy, in fact, that I found no skeleton at all. Instead, I found a deposit of chalky soil -- something between clay and shale -- and eventually I came to recognize that this was probably the dissolved calcium phosphate from Clara's skeleton. The more of the deposit I uncovered, the more closely the oval resembled the shape of a little cat.
Seeing that this was all I was likely to find, I scooped up as much of the soil as I could get, then set off with my bag and shovel. I had mixed emotions -- I was relieved at not finding something truly upsetting down there, but also let down as I hoped for the closure of finding a skeleton. I also broke down as memories of Clara and fears for my hospitalized Annabelle boiled over. It must have looked interesting to see a man out on a sunny Saturday, leaning on a shovel, bawling over a large trash bag. But this is a weird city, and the cops never came.
I planted a flowering cherry tree a few years back. When the time is right, I'll give Clara a final resting place. Annabelle has stabilized, and my hope is that she won't need to join for years to come.
I took a picture of the deposit as I found it, in case anyone is interested in seeing. It's just different colored soil, nothing that would be obvious as remains.
Hi Dan,
Thank you very much for this helpful post. There is not much posted on the internet to help people who have to exhume their pet, and posts such as yours help a lot, no doubt.
It is very difficult to lose a pet. I frown when people say "They're like your family". They're not *like* your family, they *are* your family, period.
It's been more than 2 years now since my Mousti died, but I think of her and miss her every day. It's still difficult to look at her pictures.
May your Clara rest in peace, and best of luck with Annabelle.
Chris
What we find is dependent upon soil and weather conditions as well as whether they were interred inside something (and what it was made from).
My parents have sold their farm and are moving in the near future. I couldn't bear to leave my ginger cat Milo behind (the place was bought by a mining company and is set to be mined).
Milo passed away 4 years and 4 months ago from secondary poisoning after eating mice that took baits. He was 2 years and 8 months old at the time.
I was devastated and buried him inside the heavy duty bag that the vet returned him to me in. It was not sealed, just folded over. In thise 4 years, there has been mostly drought with some heavy rain storms along the way.
My dad and I went to exhume him the day after a huge storm- when he dug the grave 4 years ago the soil was very hard- the storm had softened the dirt.
He carefully dug down, we didn't know what to expect (my dad thought perhaps some small bones), and we had a box ready for what came.
The heavy duty bag was completely intact. I lifted him from the shovel to place into the box-- and could feel some squishiness. At first I thought that water had gone inside the bag from the storm; however when we reburied him at the new place, the bag slipped a little and I could see what was just inside-- and it was very surprising.
I could feel the bones through the bag... and inside the bag I could see a pinkish "puree". And there was a sour smell, just like any other animal that had been deceased for a number of days that I have been near.
I don't feel that I was traumatised by what I saw though, in a way I feel relieved that he was intact and that I could move him.... I have also felt guilty about not being with him when he passed (I was actually in an exam!), and now I feel like I have been able to be there for him now when he needed me.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I have no doubt that it will help others.
You are so right, a lot has to do with what our beloved pet is buried in, and also with weather conditions so the experience will be different for various people, and that's why it is important to share this kind of stories with others.
Thanks again, and my sincere condolences. I know this is hard.
I will have to dig up two burial spots when I move (10+ and 4 years in ground), so these comments help. I'm worried about the cat wrapped in plastic and inside heavy cardboard box. I would be happy just to have the dirt.
I'm glad that this is somewhat helpful to you, Julie. Best of luck!
Chris, thank you for posting this helpful personal experience. I had my best cat man of 15 years put to sleep today, and wanted reassurance about burying and decomposition. My boy is snugly buried now. Thanks again for sharing; I was comforted to hear about another person who loved a cat in their life. Be well. My name is Erin, my cat is Bodhisattva, a true embodiment of the Nine Lives Legend.
I am so very sorry for your loss, Erin :( Hang in there.
I am going to be moving my 2 cats that are buried at my moms because she is selling the house. I planned on bringing them where I live now but I don't know if I'll be here long either. Last night I found a pet cemetery fairly close, just have to find out if they will take already buried pets. I'll post back when I find out more information about it.
Hi Kjones, how long have the cats been buried for? Definitely appreciated if you would like to let us know whether they will do it or not, that would be very good to know.
Alternative would maybe be to make a box with pressure treated lumber, then bury them at your current place, and it will be easy to dig up again later.
Thanks for the idea, I was just going to use old 10 ream paper boxes, but wooden boxes would definitely better. One has been buried for 4 years, the other just under 10 months. Just got off the phone with the cemetery and they will take already buried pets, it is expensive, about $1,000 each for the plot and burial, but a good option for anyone who needs to move their pets with no where to put them.
Wow yeah that's not cheap, but worth it, knowing that the loved pet has a final resting place.
Thank you so much for this post! It definitely helped me. Also, so sorry to hear about the passing of your Moutsi :( I consider my kitties my children, so I know how hard it is to exist without them. Take care ^.^
Thanks for taking the time to comment. It was 4 years last month that Mousti passed away. It's still difficult.
Thank you so much for your information as it is extremely helpful to me.
I lost 3 cats since I moved to my home, the last being Apr. 9, 2017. I am now 72 years old and making my funeral arrangements, although I don't know how soon that will be. I thought of placing their remains in my coffin when I am entombed in a crypt. I asked the funeral home and also the cemetery if this would be possible, as I don't know what would happen to their remains once my house is sold. Both entities said as long as they are not aware of it, it can be done, and I am instructing my executor to do as asked.
So, if I move before I die, I will take their remains with me in a sealed metal box, until my death. If I am still in my house, I will make sure they are exhumed upon my death. I had no idea how long it takes for their bodies to decompose but, now with your information, I am assured that it won't be a difficult situation since one died 16 yrs. ago, another 4 yrs. ago, and my last over 4 mos. ago.
Again, thank you for your information as it relieves my heart of pain and doubt knowing they will always be safe with me.
Adrienne
Dear Adrienne, Thank you so much for posting this, it will help others. When I originally made this blog post, I had no idea it would reach so many people, and several have taken the time to comment, which has also been helpful to others.
Your information, that this can be done, will help others, without a doubt.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment.
I recently lost my beloved baby Oliver, he was sixteen, today is the week anniversary of his passing. I live in an apartment complex and buried him thinking this would be best, however, when he initially passed I thought of cremating him and having him in a pet urn to be with me. When I inevitably move it pains me that I would be leaving him. I noticed in your post you seemed very against cremation and I wondered if there was a reason for this that perhaps I should consider.
Melissa,
Very sorry for your loss, it is so painful to lose our babies.
Cremating is widely used, for humans as well as for pets. As far as I know, there are actually less concerns about cremation than there are about burying. I think it's a psychological thing more than anything else. Personally I'd hate the thought of having my baby burned, even after death. I just have a real hard time dealing with that thought, not sure why.
Today my forever friend of 19 years took her last breath on my chest. I don't know how to feel. I adopted her when she was 2 yrs old. She died at 21.
I took her to the vet a few weeks back because she got what seemed like a cold. The vet told me she was healthy and he was so surprised that she was in such good health considering her age.
She was just showing all the signs of a very old cat. She had lost her sight and was a little slower at walking around. All in all she was in high spirits. I couldn't come to part with her or have her cremated either.
I live in an apartment so we buried her in her favorite flower pot. ( it's very big) she use to jump inside it years ago and have a good bite out of the plant that was in it at the time.
We do a lot of balcony gardening so I had a bunch of spare pots. I thought it would be fitting to temporarly put her there.
One day when we move we can give her a final resting spot.
Thank you all for posting. I find it soothing reading about others kitties and the love that you all shared.
I still feel her and although I am immensely sad I am thankful for all the years she gave me. She was my Lil Co pilot through life! She had outlived a few of my other pets and we always joked that she would outlive us! (Silly me).
Thanks you so much for sharing your story. It is heartwarming to know that cats are companions and family members to many. Hang in there, I know you are going to go through a rough time without your buddy. By the sounds of it, she had a great life with you. May this be a consolation to you and make your grieving a little less painful.
Hello Cutetoes. I send you my sincerest condolences on the death of your friend and echo Chris's sentiments about the lovely life you provided for her.
I do think I should caution you about the balcony flowerpot. As you well know, gardening in a pot is very different from gardening in the ground. This burial will differ as well. Normally, there are little bugs present that help with decay in most fertile soils. Your flowerpot may be lacking in these guys, which means that the decay will be both slower and smellier, with considerable gases emitted. Your balcony could become a very unpleasant place for months, and your neighbors might complain.
Lacking a place for a permanent burial site, most people choose cremation. Should you prefer not to do so (which of course is a totally valid decision) I would encourage you to think down the road about what you would do if the flowerpot were to become noxious. Could you temporarily move it some place safe and undisturbed? Would you be able to protect it from both human and animal scavenging? Humans could want the flowerpot; dogs might want to dig.
I regret that I have to bring this up now while the grief is so fresh, but the clock is not on your side here.
Thanks for chiming in, Dan. It's appreciated.
I just lost my cat today and its very hard on me. We buried him in the middle of the yard where he liked to sun himself. The pain in my heart for lossing him in overwhelming. I would like to see the pictures in case i have to relocate him. Thank you
I am very sorry for your loss. If ever you need to relocate him, you will find lots of comments here that will be helpful.
Hopefully it won't be necessary.
Take care and hang in there.
Thank you all for your stories. I lost my cat of 10 years today and it hurts so bad i can't seem to stop crying, i miss him he was always with me he even sleep next to me. We buried him in the back yard his favorite spot to sun in. My problem is my two inside cats saw him dead outside in the covered patio and they are acting scared and distance. Is this normal for cats to grieve for his friend. My oliver is in the closet and won't come out. Please if you have any advice i thank you in advance. My life revolved around Mr.Kitty and i miss him , i don't know what to do because we were always together. (R.I.P.) my love your always with in my heart and prayers.
Eva, I'm truly sorry for the pain you are feeling over your kitty's loss.
I'm going to tell you about an experience that might help in answering your question regarding the other cats.
After my sweet Mousti died in 2013, two new cats joined our family. The two cats were very close, always together. Sadly, one of them passed away a few months ago, due to feline leukemia. My husband and I showed the dead kitty to her friend, the other kitty. There was little or no reaction, but she (the other kitty) started to become very withdrawn for a while. She didn't want to eat much, didn't want to go outside, and slept a lot, to a point where we were afraid she might be sick too, so we took her to the vet. Vet said she was healthy.
Things got better after about 3 weeks. We think she might have been grieving over the loss of her furry friend.
I lost my cat today the tears are still fresh and the painful whole in my heart is too much to bear. Ineed help my other cat saw him dead and hes acting strange he wont come out of the closet. Can cats grieve or can i do some thing to help him he doesn't want any attention he's not eating just hides out in the closet any advice is appreciated and my sorry for everyone's loss i feel your pain thank you.
Eva, see my comment to your other post, but after posting it, I thought of something else. It could very well be that your other cat simply feels your distress and sorrow. Give the cat a little time, it will be all right.
Thank you.
Thank you for the posts. I lost my little sweetheart Harry on wednesday. He is interred at a friends out of town and snd i am hoping to be able to get his skeleton when the time comes . I just want him to be around. He was the love of my life, and his friend youssou has been very quiet since Harry died. My apartment is so different without him, and i am heartbroken and crying too much. My friend on whose property he is buried is uncomfortable that i want his little bones.i am an artist and having his bones eoes not seem creepy to me. He will be with me that way. Thank you to the posters who shared theit stories.
Thanks for stopping in and sharing this. My sincere condolences, I know it is not easy.
It is not creepy at all that you'd want the bones. If that's what makes you feel comfortable and it's a consolation, then by all means..
(I am a bone collector, by the way, so it seems pretty normal to me).
The famous writer Roald Dahl had his femur removed and he kept it on his bookshelf.
Thanks for making this post. I just lost my girl kitty yesterday. I took her home from the vet. As weird as it may seem... I didn't want her ashes, I wanted her bones. So I was searching for how long it would take till I could dig up and just find her bones. So your info is helpful. Thank you.
Very sorry for your loss, Sherry. My sincere condolences. It's hard losing a kitty, and even harder this time of year. All my best to you.
Chris
Thank you all for your comments and advice. It has been hard months but your encouragement and condolences have brought me some peace.
I am so sorry for the loss of the people that have lost their dear kitties since my Last post. I truly feel for you.
Hope 2018 brings you all much more memorable moments and much success to you all.
Best wishes on this New Year's Eve, Cutetoes :)
Cutetoes, I am wondering what to expect from burying a cat in a planter. Was it like Dan said, "the decay will be both slower and smellier, with considerable gases emitted. Your balcony could become a very unpleasant place for months"? Now that it has been a few months for you, what has been your experience? Thank you for posting--there is not much info out there.
Cutetoes, I am wondering what to expect from burying a cat in a planter. Was it like Dan said, "the decay will be both slower and smellier, with considerable gases emitted. Your balcony could become a very unpleasant place for months"? Now that it has been a few months for you, what has been your experience? Thank you for posting--there is not much info out there.
I wrote about my cat harry who oassed awsy and was buried on a friend's farm. One day ijust up and took a streetcar to the humane society. I wss just going on an exploratory visit. It is a no-kill facility and there were young and old csts and they were all so needing a forever home. I did a second round and in the last toom, i heard a cat voice that sounded like my little harry's voice. I adopted the little calico but have never heard the voice that sounded like my little harry's. And this is a true story.
I wrote about my cat harry who passed away and was buried on a friend's farm. One day ijust up and took a streetcar to the humane society. I wss just going on an exploratory visit. It is a no-kill facility and there were young and old cats and they were all so needing a forever home. I did a second round and in the last room, i heard a cat voice that sounded like my little harry's voice. I adopted the little calico but have never again heard the voice that sounded like my little harry's. And this is a true story. Pinky is my new cat's name.
Hello everyone. I am very sorry about all the losses. Today is the 3 year anniversary of the death of my cat Spittles. The grief and the guilt are still overwhelming, and I hate myself for burying her and not cremating her. She never wanted to be away from me. I buried her with her sister cat at my Mom's home 7 miles away. I want to dig her up and have what's left cremated. I live in Iowa so the climate is all over the place. They are not buried deep, and they were both in cardboard boxes (not thick or heavy) and a regular garbage bag. Will there be anything left of either of them? Kitty has been dead ten years and if she is definitely going to be nothing but soil, I will not disrupt her, I just wanted to be fair to save myself future guilt over this new situation. But my Spittles has to be with me. What will I find after 3 years of Iowa weather. If she is already gone, I don't think I can live with myself. Can anyone give me some input? Thank you.
P.S. My cats are buried in sand, not regular dirt. Maybe that affects the decaying process?
Hi Ann,
When I first wrote this blog article, I never expected so many people searching for answers about exhuming their cat, but here we are, many comments later.
Since there have been so many comments, I've done a little research over time, in order to help people better. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not an expert, and I don't have all the answers.
It is my understanding that how quickly our kitties decompose after burial depends on a few things.
- The weather: Warmer weather will speed up decomposing.
- How deep they are buried: When the kitty rests in a shallow grave, decomposing will be faster than in a deeper grave.
- What they are buried in (cardboard, plastic, wood, blanket)
I have a feeling that you would find some bones. There was a deer cemetery in the pasture behind my home (where hunters would throw the bones of deer). Some of those bones have been there since I moved here over 7 years ago, and they are still intact.
Thank you Chris. I wish there was some kind of formula to determine the level of decomposition by factoring in all the variables, but there just isn't. I couldn't handle it if she was still very much intact, and I couldn't handle it if she was gone, so I'm not sure when to do this. We've decided that instead of cremation we will just bring her remains to our current home and bury her in something slightly less biodegradable, in a very marked grave, so that she will always be able to go with us in the future. I know I jumped on this thread late, and you don't know me, so I appreciate your response more than I can express. When I finally get the nerve to go through with this, I will post the results to hopefully help more people.
Much love.
Best of luck, Ann. Your endeavor might be very helpful to others who face the same dilemma.
We buried my Mousti in June 2013, it is still incredibly painful to think of her.
It feels as if life is split up into two parts... before, and after. You're not alone..
My cat Lucky died this past Sunday. I thought I would be ok with burying her in the back yard but now that is raining, I’m having a hard time. She didn’t like water and all I can think about is how unhappy she is.
Do you think I can still get her cremated?
I would have to exhume her, and she was in a thick cardboard ‘coffin’ the vet placed her in to send home.
Hi Kelly,
My sincere condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Sunday was just 2 days ago. I don't know what area you live in, but if it's raining, then you're probably not in one of the real cold areas. It would depend on the temperature, and how deep you buried your beloved Lucky, but two days is not a very long time. If it makes you feel better, I'd say go for it. But, maybe also check first with the place where she would be cremated, make sure they will take her after a couple days.
I worried about that too, my Mousti getting all wet, but keep in mind that a body is only a shell to carry the soul around. Your Lucky is already in kitty heaven, it is only her body there under the ground, not her spirit.
Hi Kelly,
Consider how upsetting it might be for you to see the decomposition process up close and personal on a friend of many years, while she is still entirely recognizable.
I agree with all of Chris's remarks -- particularly about checking first with the crematorium -- and if you decide to go ahead, would it be possible for you to have someone else do the dirty work of exhuming her? Maybe your brother or son? I would advise caution before doing this yourself. There are things that one cannot unsee.
Thank you for your comment, "There are things...." My cat Harry is buried on a friend's property. When i talk about exhuming my little Harry, he always says "Let's wait and see". Maybe there are things i would prefer not to see, will have to consider your remark.....
That was the main reason why I was so reluctant to exhume my baby a month after we had buried her. As Dan said earlier in a comment, some things cannot be unseen.
To exhume or not to exhume is always going to be a personal choice in the end, and in all cases, a very difficult decision.
If your Harry is buried on your friend's property, and you can visit there when you feel the need, my advice would be, don't exhume.
Hi you seem to have the same situation I have I buried my baby and September and something has been trying to dig him up the last few weeks I have bricks lots of bricks on his gravestone and the damn thing whatever it is is still trying to get at him he's dug so far that you can see the blanket I wrapped him in and he was in a cardboard box I don't know what to do if you have any tips please help thank you
Hi there,
Do you have a way of putting a fence around it? Just a small fence? I have two kitties buries in my yard, and I have a fence around them. I use the green metal stakes, they have hooks to attach the fence to, it is very easy to put up. It might discourage animals from digging further. Maybe some more stones too. If you have large, flat stones, you could cover a larger area.
Good luck!
Hi and thank you for the opportunity to learn of how others have coped with a very difficult time -we just lost our Patches last Wed, April 18, 2018. We chose to bury her in one of her favourite spots in the back yard but I was worried about animals trying to dig also, and in addition, looking at a move down the road, we wanted to be able to take her with us. We buried her in a pet blanket, also wrapped in one of my sweatshirts (she always loved to curl up in my clothes) and finally in a wooden box that we made from a section of old bookshelf that was made from particle board. The top of the box is about 1.5-2 feet down, and rocks were placed on top before the soil went back, and I wonder if it was deep enough, is she secure enough, and also, will she decompose naturally or was the box not a great idea? There might still be time to do something if it needs changing, I don't know..many thanks for any suggestions, and great sympathy to all-THOR
Hi Thor, Very sorry for your loss, I know this hurts - a lot.
Top 1.5 - 2 feet down is a bit shallow, but probably deep enough as long as you put some big stones on the grave. My own kitty isn't buried any deeper than that (because we hit a big rock and couldn't dig any deeper). No animals ever tried to get to her.
Two years after I buried her, I built a fairly big flower garden around her grave and fenced it in. You could that too, put a fence around it and plant some flowers.
I think that the box was a good idea. She will decompose (likely not as quickly) If ever you need to move her, it will be easier, as chances are the box will still be intact. A lot depends on what kind of a climate you live in.
Best wishes, and my sincere condolences.
Chris
Thank you for sharing that story. I am preparing to dig up 2 dogs and relocate their graves. This made me feel better about it.
Best of luck. How long have the dogs been buried for?
If you would like to come back here and talk about your experience, it might help others.
This is Ann and I posted in February of 2018. I decided on the 3-year anniversary of my cat's death that I needed to dig her up and bring her home. She passed away (I had to have her euthanized) from liver failure likely due to cancer in February of 2015. She was wrapped in a blanket, inside of a bag, inside of a box, that was wrapped in a garbage bag. Let me just say yikes! From here on out it will be all natural organic biodegradable burials for me. Today was the day that I removed her body from the ground. My worst case scenario came true and my Spittles was all there. Her blankie soaked with bodily fluids and the cardboard box broken down to soggy bits. Luckily the blanket protected me from seeing her little body and surprisingly I couldn't smell anything. I put her inside of a tote for transport and brought her home. It was extremely bittersweet to have her but not really have her, I never thought I'd see her again. Was it traumatic? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I have always hated myself for not cremating my precious baby because she always wanted to be with me. The Cremation service is picking her up in a couple of hours and I will have her back with me on Monday. Maybe now I can start to forgive myself. For anyone who is considering doing this, it is worth it. I did it alone because it felt like a personal sacred act. I had a few moments where I felt like I couldn't breathe and the need to get her out of the ground was overwhelming. When you first find them in the ground it's a very surreal feeling. She was buried in sand in the crazy Iowa climate if that helps anybody. I'm sending love and hugs to all of you that are grieving the loss of your pet. Thank you for this post and I only hope that my post can help someone else.
Dear Ann,
First of all, you're very brave! That was a very brave thing to do, something that no doubt took a lot of courage.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you very much for taking the time to post here and share this. It will definitely help others.
When I originally wrote this blog post (after finding very little information on the internet about exhuming a pet), I had no idea that so many people would comment and share their experience. I feel that those comments mean a lot to people who face a similar situation and have to exhume their beloved pet.
Thanks again for taking the time to share this and best wishes.
My 2 cats died together 4 weeks ago today it still breaks my heart I still burst into tears every time I think about them or see pictures, i had them for 10years they followed me everywhere even waited outside the bathroom for me.i buried them together in a cardboard coffin from the vet and all I want to do is dig them up and just see them one last time. I'm not sure what to expect, part of me thinks I shouldn't because what I could see..the climate here is not humid or warm does anybody know what I would be expecting??
Hello Unknown,
I can't wrap my head around why your two cats would have died together, but I'm very sorry for your loss.
It is perfectly normal to burst into tears when you think about loved ones who have recently died. You miss them terribly. There is no shame in grief.
I do think you should consider very carefully your purpose in wanting to exhume them four weeks later. At this stage, they are likely to be in peak decomposition. What you could see could be very harmful to you.
Whether you believe that the soul persists beyond death or not, I think most people agree that the body forms an imperfect vessel for the soul while it resides on Earth. Your cats' souls no longer reside with their bodies. If your intention is to salve your pain by being close to them, I think you will find only torment as they are not inside their bodies anymore, but have gone away.
Earlier this year, I lost a good friend to cancer at only 38. The pain of those last few months persists with me, and I sometimes have trouble remembering all the previous years because the more recent bad stuff gets in the way. My suggestion to you is to try to remember the good stuff now and not to willingly seek bad stuff. What is in the ground now is 100% bad stuff.
The purpose of exhuming pets as I see it is to complete a process and to honor a friend who might have suffered a compromised burial. It's natural to desire that a pet's remains which are buried at a house that you sold be rescued and reburied in a place close to your heart. But even if that burial site is much closer to you, you cannot bridge the gap entirely. The remains will always be a couple feet underground, and for good reason. The Earth takes time to reclaim our bodies into herself. We should not interrupt this process unless absolutely necessary.
All of which is to say, disinterring anyone you love will be an emotionally unpleasant experience, and may be very physically unpleasant too. Only do so to move the body, not to visit. However, only you can decide whether I'm speaking words of wisdom here, or whether the compulsion is too strong and you must exhume for closure.
Do not bottle your grief up inside. Talk to family and friends, and maybe even a professional. People want to help you work this out. Take care.
Dear Unknown,
I am very sorry for your loss.
I strongly urge you not to dig them up. When I dug up my Spittles for cremation I did not look at her. Thankfully she was wrapped in a blanket, but I did my best to dig her up, remove her from the grave of almost 4 years, and transport her to my home without accidentally seeing her face. I did this because I don't want to remember her in a stage of decomposition, but instead as the beautiful healthy girl she once was.
Seeing your babies in their current form would only traumatize you. Maybe instead you could create a special photo album or make a little shrine to honor your pets.
Much love to you in this very painful time.
Dear Unknown,
I wholeheartedly agree with the comments Dan and Ann made and would strongly suggest against digging them up. If there is no specific reason to do so (late cremation, re-burial), it is better not to disturb. I'm with Dan here, the body is just a shell to carry the soul, and when a living creature dies, the soul leaves the body. Even though their bodies are buried, they are not really there anymore.
My cat Mousti was buried in a cardboard coffin from the vet too. When I had to exhume her a month later, the cardboard was no longer whole. You would not find them the way you buried them and it might hurt even more.
Believe me, I know the feeling of wanting to see them one more time, and I think we all do. Hang in there.
I live in Florida, and have buried many cats in the past 40 years. I believe that once the soul leaves the body, what remains is just an empty shell. I would prefer to know that the remains completely decompose in short order. My fear is having the cat dug up at some point in the future. I prefer not to use a towel, sheet, or blanket to wrap the cat up prior to burial. I wrap the deceased in newspaper, and bury without a box so that the decomposition is not impeded. Read about "green burials". Humans are using this method too. Its how burials were done prior to the mid-1800's. A shallow grave with the dirt mounded over the deceased (think old TV westerns). As the body decomposes, the dirt sinks down and fills the void. The earth reclaims the body. Its the cycle of life.
Thank you, thank you all for showing me I'm not crazy! I lost my Caramel to cancer four months ago, my grief is still overwhelming. After she passed away, I couldn't find a proper burial place and I kept her body wrapped in a blanket for four days. Though it gave me some relief to keep her at home for a while,the family members criticized me heavily saying the body will decompose and stink. Well, no such thing happened, she looked as if she was asleep. On the fourth day, I buried her stealthily into my father's grave (not sure if it's allowed here), wrapped in my sister's cotton shirt (she was Caramel's favourite human). Knowing she was together with her beloved grandpa gave me some much needed comfort. I'm going to visit her on her birthday next month and I was wondering about the condition she is in now, that's how I came across this post. I'm sorry for your losses, may we all meet with them on the Rainbow Bridge some day.
Dear Chris...You are right, I found myself on the internet searching how to do it and should I do it. And there was your post, which I am ever grateful you put out there, as incredibly difficult and sad as it was for you, you did it to help others and I see just how much, after reading all the posts through the years since you initially posted. My heart ached with every word Chris, how much love you and your husband had and still have for your beautiful Mousti. I am a single mom who may lose her home to her spouse of 10yrs, who is focused on material things, and at the expense of my little girl. She does not want to leave her beloved cat Tipsi here if we are forced to leave our home. A vet had made a grave error and gave two oral liquid medications that shouldn't have been given at the same time and not meant for cats. He convulsed the second we got home and he sadly had to be euthanized, but not until after the vet tried to get money from us to do a surgery that he was not in need of at all. They kept our cat for several days, holding out for $1500+ to do a catheterization (which he didn't need, he wasn't blocked, they thought we were stupid I guess), but we didn't know he was dying, his heart & brain were shutting down (found out in the records afterwards, so we were stupid to have trusted). Then after these horrifically cruel days for our Tipsi, they knew he was near gone & they called in a panic that he needed to be euthanized right away. Instant shock and confusion, when you think your dear pet is in good hands at the vet. Her Tipsi, like your Mousti was always with my daughter. From the day we rescued this tiny kitten, I had been saying how this is that cat that a child grows up with, bonds with so much so that when she grows up and heads off for higher education, this cat would be pining for her. They never got that chance or to grow up together. He was pushed around in a doll stroller from kitten, until he turned 2 years, just turned. He didn't care, he loved the attention and was more like a person than most people. Every morning, he sat beside her (you know, the 1/2 on you, need to be attached way they love to lay, touching you) on our couch. She ate her breakfast with Tipsi's right arm wrapped tightly around my daughter's left arm like they were going down aisle to marry. He lovingly stared at her throughout breakfast and throughout the entire day, they were enchanted with eachother. He was a huge (not fat) black short-hair, with the longest monkey tail, I've never seen on a cat. All black except for one 1/2 white spot, on the tip of his tail, as though it was dipped perfectly in white paint...Hence the name Tipsi...
...This was shortly after Christmas 4 years ago, a special Christmas, as we had bought the pets a huge pet bed so they could all cuddle together over the winter. Tipsi, Bella (our first cat, a yr older than Tipsi, black semi-long hair rescued the day of being scheduled to be euthanized by the humane society, she acted like Tipsi's mother reprimanding him on how things work in her home, haha, was so adorable) and a 6month old, obviously abused little Chihuahua we found one hot July day and no one was looking for him. They were 3 only for a year together, but how sweet those 3 little faces were staring up at us when we talked to them or gave them food. They were needing their own cuddle bed to really get closer and they were just starting to feel comfortable 2 at a time and were only days away for all 3 to cuddle when our Tipsi was killed. I am sickened how many other families had posted on this particular vet with grave mistakes with their pets and all the vets in North America that abuse animals, It's despicable. Nevertheless, it has been nearly 4 years and I am afraid of what I'll see if we do have to exume Tipsi. I hopefully won't have to but as things are at present, money from our home is his focus and I too will have to go through bringing Tipsi back up to place him wherever we are to live. I thank you and all the others who have posted because you stopped at the saddest time in your life to think of helping others with your post...And you all have. So amazing to find so many who love their dear cats/pets from one lady's post. Thank God for animals, their love for us and the beautiful people who love them!
I visited our animal shelter in October of 2003.
I was looking for a small dog when a Siamese cat in a small cage caught my eye.
I had Siamese cats growing up & found most are tempermental .
I picked her up out of her cage to hold her & she licked my face.
Well after that I HAD to have her.
I didn't have the $50 adoption fee until payday.
She was still available
The worker there told me a lady had relinquished her because "she acted retarded". She had named her. Bubbles
Of course THAT name didn't suit her at all.
A few days went by & my daughter who lived in Ohio (Me in Louisiana) would ask me daily "DiDid you name your new Gato yet?
Well that was it.. Gato it was
Bit living in Louisiana it HAD to end in EAUX.
So Gatteaux it was.
Her new name.
Gatteaux & I went through a lot together.
Hurricanes, tropical storms, drives to Ohio, failed relationships.
Jump to late 2018.
Gatteaux started urinating blood.
The vet said it was a UTI.
She was treated twice for this
Now comes January 2019.
Gatteaux stopped eating.
She was so skinny, almost like a fur coat over a skeleton.
I was so sad, because I knew the end was near.
I took her to the vet, they pumped fluids into her & gave her a shot to help her stomach feel better.
She started eating again, but only for a few days.
I decided no more vets.
I didn't want her ro be poked & prodded any longer.
I came home from work on 4 Feb.
Gatteaux was stumbling to walk.
I knew it was neurological because her head kept twitching back & forth.
She came in the house, then wanted out.
She had been staying outside at night since being sick.
I had made a bed in a container with a heating pad.
She didn't want in it, so I made her a bed out of a sheet I had.
I picked her up, kissed her & told her I loved her & that it was okay to let go.
Early morning about 4 I woke up to see if she was on the porch.
She was nowhere to be found.
I searched all over.
I live on 8 acres in the country & about 600 feet off the road.
I checked mi neighbors yard with no success.
Then something caught my eye at the end of my drive.
I walked down & there she laylay. She had been hit by a car.
Thankfully it was more like a bump.
Her right eye was out of the socket.
No blood, nothing else mangled.
She had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I picked her up, took her to my porch, wrapped her in her blanked she slept on while outside put her in a industrial strength plastic bag & buried her under on of my Cypress trees by the porch.
I have never cried over an animal so much in my life.
I was a mess.
I had to go to work.
All day I kept crying.
MY daughter wrote a tribute to her in FB.
I couldn't even begin to read it until I got home. I miss her SO much.
She was my partner in crime
She loved to have the hair dryer blow her fur .
She was the most unusual kat I ever owned.
ImI of course crying like a baby while writing this.
I NEVER Would've thought anan animal would have affected me this much.
I LOVE & MISS You Gatteaux.
Forever wouldn't have been long enough
Not all Angels have wings, some have whiskers
Try to feel better. You gave a lovely life to an animal who lived on earth. I am sure you will get thanks from wherever the animal spirit is having me write you. In fact i was going to delete the notification.
Kimberly,
Your post was so beautiful and heartbreaking. I cried while reading it, feeling the love radiate from your words. It sounds like you two had a beautiful life together and I am sending you positive healing vibes. My cat has been gone since February 14th, 2015, and I still feel sick with grief when I look at her picture or watch a video and hear her meow. They touch our lives in a way that humans cannot, or maybe that's just my opinion. Much love to you in this tough time.
If anyone knows the answer, I'd much appreciate it, but... how long would it take for an elderly cat to decompose in recently wet conditions? A couple of months ago, my mother and I lost a very, very important beacon of light in our lives. I can still hear his meow echo through our living room as he looked about for one of us to keep him company; I can still feel the (sharp!) kneading of his paws against any and every part of my body that so happened to be underneath; I can still hear his loud, rumbling purr - feel it, even, as I recall the days I'd smush my face into his furry belly and give him kisses and rubs.
I've lost what I presume to be many cats over the course of my life, though many of them I cannot remember well, let alone ever know what happened to them (save for two, three now), as they often vanished. We often thanked the coyotes for that, back then. And while I do miss the two I mentioned before very dearly, I cannot remember them well.
That being said, the loss of our beloved Boo-Boo struck me deep within my soul. Having to discover him myself, just yards from the house, laying awkwardly in the grass near our toolshed with no visible outward injury... I still remember his eyes, both in life and in death. Both haunt me to this day, and will for as long as I live here.
He was absolutely wonderful. The most affectionate cat one could ever have - was never a stranger to strangers, on the constant lookout for affection and attention... I can remember clear as day the last time I held him. Two times, actually, in most recent memory - one, where I was cradling him, taking him inside after he took his very merry time sauntering across the backyard from my grandmother's yard next door (under the fence) - and the last, again cradling him, and rubbing his belly, the night before he passed. I had just come home from university for spring break. My mother let him out the next morning, as it was a beautiful day and he hadn't been outside in a while. Good intentions, I try to always remind her... no doubt she still blames herself for losing her best friend. (Yes, this cat was /her/ best friend! She called him her "little shadow", and rarely was one seen without the other, unless one was purposely out of the house. Cuddled every night, kept her company while I was away at uni, always greeted her every day without fail when she came home from work. A true sweetheart.)
I still wish we knew what happened to him. Could have been anything, and we'll never know.
He was 12-13 years old, and spent the beginning half of his life completely outdoors due to an allergy by my mother's then-boyfriend. I'm thankful he got to spend his last five or so years primarily indoors, surrounded and spoiled by love.
TLDR; how long would it take for a cat to decompose under very wet conditions? It storms about twice a week now, and there's been some pretty heavy rainfall a few times, to the point where I can go outside and see that his little patch of soil is flooded. (We, admittedly, didn't bury him very well, in all of our grief. Didn't pack down the soil, as we didn't want to hurt him... I'm planning on investing in some garden stones and more soil to fill in the hole left behind.) For reference, he was considerably frail when he passed, and was simply wrapped in a towel and blanket. Seeing as I can see his little tree/shrub from my bedroom window, I couldn't help but wonder about it as the rain pours down.
Not planning to exhume him... just painfully curious about our old baby. Maybe it could soothe a few of my nerves, I don't know. I just know I wish he was here, and expect him to pop up around every corner, chirping and meowing like he always did, even a couple months after he's left us.
May you find us again, in your new life. Come home.
I love you, Boo. And Mom will always love you more. <3
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I'm currently debating moving my precious muma kitty from her resting place, due to moving house. She was my everything and my best friend, I wasn't with her when she passed or able to watch her burial. Now we're moving and I can't leave her so I'm braving myself for an exhumation. All the comments by have helped enormously.
I came across this post the other day as I have been really grappling with the loss of our beloved Tom Tom. He was only 6 1/2 when we had him put to sleep December 6, 2019. I had no idea he was sick or anything was wrong he was acting normal.
The night before he died he began making little moans and could not urinate. He was eating lightly and drinking a lot. As we had no night emergency vet I resorted to the internet to diagnose. Everything pointed to he was blocked. All night he stayed on my chest with his cheek on mine and his paws in my hands. He stopped making the little groans.
I vowed to stay awake all night with him but fell asleep about 7 in the morning or so. I called vet after vet and all said they were booked. Finally found one who gave us the last appointment of the day. I had hope but it was no more within minutes of getting into the exam room. He was blocked, it was bad and we did not have $3,000.00 to try and save him. It tore us up, but we decided it was best for him to not suffer. We had him put to sleep. We were grieved beyond belief. Another story completely, but the vet himself and his tech were awful.
We took a large wooden box with a hinged lid my mother had made us and lined it in batting and made him a bed and a pillow. Put in a few momentos and buried him the next afternoon. Since then I have been so bothered and upset thinking of him being out there in the cold ground alone when he hated cold and only wanted to be with us. I called a local pet crematory a few days ago and decided to have him cremated so he could be with us. They said they would be here tomorrow morning to pick him up.
They said he would have to be cremated upon arrival as he would be severely decomposed. We exhumed him late this afternoon and put him in the basement where it is cool. I had sealed the box with rubberized sealer. Tonight I decided to go down and visit him while his little body was still here.
Sitting there next to his little casket, I noticed the seal had come off some when we took the heavy duty bag off the box when he was exhumed. I do not know what prompted me but I lifted the lid all the while dreading what I would see.
Tonight, I was surprised to find that after four weeks of having been dead and buried he was completely and totally just like he was when we put him into the casket. No decomposition of any kind what-so-ever, no smell, he looked just like he had fallen asleep. In one way relieved and in the other it broke my heart again.
They will be here tomorrow to pick him up. Thank God I did not see anything awful. I thought maybe sharing this may help others grappling as I have done. I wish there were more resources for pet parents.
Brad, thanks so much for sharing your story, and I am very, very sorry for your loss.
May I ask what the temperature was during the month of December? This too might help others to get an idea.
I know how hard it is to lose your baby. I started this blog nearly 6 years ago now, after having to exhume my little Mousti. I still think of her every single day and in a way it is comforting to know that this blog post has become a valuable resource to people who had to exhume their pet. It are posts like yours that have helped many others.
Sincere condolences to you. Hang in there. After reading your post, I have no doubt that Tom had a great life with you.
Brad I am so sorry for your loss. Your story broke my heart. We too lost our baby boy pumpkin on April 25th, 2019, and we definitely feel like there should have been some way to save him. He was four, and be brought joy to everyone that met him. I exhumed one of my cats in 2018 to get her cremated because I felt the way you did, that she should be with us. I won't lie, it didn't bring me the comfort that I thought it would, but I still think it was tthe right thing to do, so we had Pumpkin cremated right away. We still have two cats, and I don't know if I can handle any more loss. I am still sick over the loss of Pumpkin. The grief of losing a cat is unlike any grief I have ever known, and I hope that you can find comfort in bringing your baby boy home. You did the best you could and when you held him that night, I know your love must have been a great comfort to him. Making the decision to put them down is never easy, but I too feel like cat owners don't have enough resources, answers, or affordable solutions. Much love to you and yours.
Thanks so much for the kind words. We live in Youngstown, Ohio where it is usually pretty cold in December. During the time of Tom Tom's interment we actually broke several weather records for warmth and the month was a pretty warm month for us overall. We did have some cold. We made it into the 50's and even a little above 60 now and then. Our usual average December temp is 36.
With little data available on this subject and not wanting to be willy nilly in my decision making, I even checked the current and daily ground temperature readings which were averaging in the mid-40's. My wife gardens and had a digital contraption to read ground temps so I monitored the ground temp at his grave for a week. It stayed in the high 40's to the mid-50's.
Needless to say, I expected the very worst. He was buried about 2 feet deep.
The crematory was absolutely adamant that Tom Tom after being buried a month would be terribly decomposed which is why they said they had to take him into cremation the minute he got there especially since we had so many high temperature days. I called to tell him he was NOT decomposed AT ALL and they did NOT believe me in the least. They called me after he got there and told me how shocked they were that he had been what seemed perfectly preserved. They said they even tugged hair on his belly, sides and hind quarters and no hair came out when they did.
I took photos of him minutes before we closed the lid and one picture when I opened the lid after 4 weeks. There was zero difference.
I developed my own theory after a little research. Most animals are put to sleep using a very high dose of Phenobarbitol Sodium as Tom Tom was. Phenobarbitol Sodium contains benyzl alcohol which is a preservative. Especially at a high dose used to put to sleep, I wonder if when it is injected it acts somewhat like preserving like embalming? After all it is injected into the blood stream and goes into the organs. Just my lay theory.
Also, not to be a huge geek here but a non-lethal 50 mg Phenobarbitol injection contains about
40 percent benzyl alcohol, 10% water for injection and propylene glycol. The dose used for animals in putting them to sleep is usually 39mg per pound. Usually a ML for a 10 pound animal. I called and made some inquiries and most does used for cats is around 1 ML. Propylene Glycol is a humectant. It is used as a preservative due to its antifungal and antimicrobial properties and is used so is lots of common health and beauty products. I am by no means a scientist I had to search and search and look things up to understand it.
I feel compelled to share and say something. To all pet parents out there, if and when the time presents itself that you have to make the decision to put your dear one to sleep, do not be bullied by the vet and wind up with days of heaving tears over what can be horrific regrets.
Tom Tom was euthanized not 10 minutes after we got into the exam room. It was a tiny cramped space barely big enough for a small table bolted to the wall and 2 chairs at the end pushed together. It was a room divided in half. The vets office was a home converted into a vets office.
Soon as we went into the room, the tech took his temp and said it was really really bad at 87. Extreme hypothermia. Bad bad sign she said. She asked about his symptoms and I said sounds like he was blocked, she agreed. Vet came in and pushed on Tom's side, Tom yowled and vet said yep blocked. He said before we decide to save him he had to see if he was worth saving by giving him an FIV test.
They took Tom's blood and said it would be 7 minutes til results. I spent that 7 minutes praying it was negative. So so stupid looking back. During that 7 minutes Tom went from me to my wife and hugged us about the neck as he always did. Doc said not about the money it was about FIV neg.
7 minutes later he came in and said negative. I was so relieved! Then he said "What are we gonna do here?" I said what can we do? He said well without $3,000.00 for treatment he would suffer for a few days and die a terrible death. Rapidly he said what are we gonna do here? I was in shock. I could not move. I felt shut down.
We said we did not want him to suffer. It was best he be put to rest. With that, he was taken from my wife's lap put on the table, shaved on the front leg and injected. It happened so fast. He injected in the leg and in his side and after using his stethoscope said he was dead.
They pushed him back into his carrier and said we could pay on the way out and they left. I could not get my legs to work. My wife had to help me up and I barely was able to stand or to put one foot in front of the other. When we got outside I lost it completely.
I now know how misled we were. What was the point of the FIV test if the vet was not going to save him anyways? For 7 minutes I sat there literally with fingers crossed and praying. But, had it not been for that 7 minutes we would have had no time with him before he was put to sleep.
I am filled with regrets. Filled. I wish we had demanded to be able to soothe him and be next to him when he was injected. Last face he saw was a stranger. I literally was in medical shock. My face was white as a sheet and I could not walk or think.
I now know much. Ask the vet if your loved one can be given a sedative first. We were never told about this. They can inject in the kidney which means you can be holding them at the time they go to sleep. Ask questions and be forceful if you have to.
It is a shame really. Most vets, in our experience, are corporate now and it is all about the bottom live and not about ACTUALLY saving animals. Your pet's life and well being has a price, a value to many of these people. Since Tom I have heard one horror story after another. We were so blessed Tom went instantly without fuss or distress. We also found that 96 is not extreme hypothermia - it is moderate and can be cured with a blanket. I wish the doc would have done a blood test not an FIV test which he did not need anyway since he had his shots. I just could not think. Hindsight is 2020 but regret is forever.
They sent us a sympathy card a week later. I was so mad. On the way out, after I had paid that night, they said they were sorry for our loss in anything but sympathetic tones. It was surreal.
I spent a month not sleeping, eating and eaten with guilt. I did not get to say goodbye as I would have liked to. I like to think his being cheek to cheek the night before was his way of saying goodbye. But now, a month later, I am strangely at peace. I know it sounds nuts but I felt a strange brushing on my ear the other night and it was like a voice said to me I am okay now let me go, don't do this to yourself. That is when I decided for cremation. May be mad brain syndrome but I like to think it was what it was.
Point being, be informed and be stronger than I was. I had no idea what was what until it was too late. Say goodbye and be the last face they see not some stranger. We also learned the vet does all the euthenizing for local shelters and is anything but caring. We came across a lady who did an internship there and she told us about all the animals in trash bags in their dumpster put to sleep. Made me so sick beyond belief.
Hi Brad,
It broke my heart when reading this. I feel your pain, went through it twice. It does get better over time, but it takes a very long time.
Keep holding on to the good memories, it helps.
Hang in there!
I'd like to thank everyone on here - for the original blog post & for all the comments over the ensuing years, especially for everyone's honesty.
Right before my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2004, she gifted me with one of my sister's kittens (my sister lived next door to our mother, and I had just come home to stay with her while trying to finish my 2nd grad degree). 2 years later, when we knew Mommy wasn't responding to any treatments, she told me about a litter of kittens a neighbor's cat had under my sister's house & suggested I find one as a companion for my then 2-yo cat. 7 months later, I lost my mother. My cats greatly helped me through that grief, then through a long period of my own disability, and a few years later, through the loss of my sister in a house fire.
Then this past October, 2019, my older cat got an infection that wasn't healing & he stopped eating, so I took him to the vet, who gave him a penicillin shot and examined him, and that's when I was told he had a mass in his abdomen. The vet hoped the infection would heal so I could pursue treatment for that mass, but I held him as he died 5 days later. He was 15 years, 5 months old. My younger cat, who always had medical problems, got sicker after that in grief over losing his older brother, and stopped responding to all his medical treatments. Exactly 1 month after losing one cat, my vet and I made the hard decision to euthanize my 13 and a half year old.
Losing both cats out of the blue, in such a short period of time, right after starting a new job, meant I couldn't afford to have them cremated, so I buried both cats in my yard. They are each wrapped in acrylic afghans & placed in cardboard boxes, that were placed in 30 gallon trash bags. But it's not like they were placed in sealed vaults, I know their graves are subject to water intrusion, insects, worms, etc., as well as worrying about decomp. However, I was hoping that, when I get my IRS return, if the local crematorium will accept them, that I would disinter them & have them cremated together. My biggest worry is the decomp. I live out in the countryside, I've seen dead animals on the road decompose, but that's not the same as a buried pet. I was worried that it was a stupid idea, but even if those of us in this conversation are the only people who have given thought to this matter (I'm sure we aren't, though), at least I'm not alone, and I have some idea of what to expect. So I'm grateful for that information, and for the honest discussion of a difficult subject. I could never have children, so I chose to work on my education & help my family. My cats became my family after I lost my mother, and especially after losing my sister. I think we can all agree that cats bring a lot of joy & love to our lives. I miss my babies immensely.
This is the most helpful information I have found on the internet in regards to our decisions with what to do with our cats bodies. My boyfriend and I just lost our little Poof. We had him for 15 years, after taking him in from the neighborhood. He was such a buddy, had a great temperament and knew how to enjoy his life! I miss him so much, every part of the day.
It will be a week tomorrow that he has passed away. He is still not buried or cremated because I haven't been able to figure out what to do. The afternoon he passed my boyfriend took to digging a grave in the backyard, partly just to keep busy during that difficult time. We live in a cold climate, so the ground has frozen at least 2 feet deep (as deep as we have dug, aided by a fire to thaw some ground). He passed last Wednesday. On Saturday is when we got the hole down to 2 feet deep. Its Tuesday when I write this. I think its deep enough, but I haven't been able to put him in there. So far he is in the garage where it stays cool. I don't like thinking of him in the ground away from us. In part, I don't like the location the hole is, as I think it may be over a sewer or utility easement and could possibly be dug up someday. I also think we may move in the next few years and I don't want to leave him behind. We have two other cats, and I don't want him to be on his own out there if we leave. I don't totally mind the idea of burial, of him returning to earth and living processes. Maybe if we chose a better spot for him, but we have already put a ton of effort into digging into 2 feet of rock hard, frozen soil. I'm considering cremation. Semi-private is all I can afford right now, so it would be mostly him I would receive back.
There have been a few people on this post that have cremated their pet after exhuming them, and I'm wondering how they felt after they received the remains back home. Did it feel better, like the right choice? I know we all have different situations, but any feedback anyone has would be great.
Hi Mel,
I am very sorry about your loss, please hang in there.
Also, I'd like to give a few tips.
First, the sooner you decide what to do, the better, because then you can start the healing process which is not easy by any means.
I wonder if it would be possible to make a fire inside the grave. Maybe a torch would help too.
If you don't feel comfortable about where the grave is dug, it might be best to start over.
Second, I live in a very cold climate as well. The ground is frozen here from October until the end of April, more or less. My little buddy Mousti (about whom I started this blog post several years ago), she used to be a stray. One night when I came home at 2:00 Am from work, I found her crying on my doorstep. It was 20 below zero and the wind was blowing hard. I had no choice but to take her in. Of course, I had no cat food, no litter, nothing. So I went out there in the middle of the night, looking for dirt that I'd let her use as cat litter. Since I live in the middle of nowhere and was snowed in, I couldn't go to the store right away to buy what I needed for her. Day after day, I'd go out and find dirt. I noticed that I could fine dirt that was not frozen, under a huge pile of snow. If you have snow, this might or might not work. Find where the snow is really high, make an area snow-free and see if you can dig easier there. Much depends on whether the ground was frozen before it started to snow or not.
And last but not least, after also seeing Kelly's post, and several others, I feel that there is a huge need for a place where we can talk about our beloved pets who have passed away. I started a forum a few weeks ago, but didn't have a chance to really set it up until now. I quickly finished it.
For everyone who would like to join and talk about your loss, please feel free to register at https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/catloss/
I've made it so that guests can post as well, in case people do not like to register.
Hi Mel,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Poof.
I don't want to take up too much of your time. I just want to give you a little info from my experience.
When my mom (a nurse who worked in nursing homes & dealt with death frequently) was dying from cancer, she asked me one day if I minded if she changed her burial plans to being cremated instead. I said to my mom, "then I can take you anywhere I go!" It was such a relief to me, because I moved a lot & didn't want to feel like I had abandoned her if I moved again after she passed. Nearly every one else in my immediate family had already decided to be cremated, she was the first of us to die but the last to make that decision. Since her passing, my sister died in a fire and was also cremated.
Where my pets are concerned, I think of it this way: if this method of disposition is good enough for my mother, it's good for my fur babies. I don't want to leave any of them behind, even if it's just their bodies, it matters to me what may happen to them if I'm not here to protect them. Maybe I've seen too many weird movies, but I want their cremains (the proper term for cremated remains) with me.
In fact, I think I'm just going to have my furry ones' cremains placed in my mother's urn. Not sure yet, but I might, since I only have half her ashes.
Anyway, idk if any humans you know have been cremated, but it gives me great comfort to have my mother's ashes with me & to know they will always be with me. I hope to get the same peace of mind with my cats.
I hope that helps.
Kelly
Chris, thank you for the tips. I was trying to think of places that shouldn't be so cold and hard frozen in the yard. There isn't any place with much more snow than others, but I think I could find some in an area with more organic soil, gets a little more sun. But I think I'm going to take him in to the cremation place tomorrow. We had him in the house the day he went, and for some of the next day while people came over to say goodbye one last time. I kind of liked having him near, even though I know he was gone. I think having his cremains at least until summer would help me out. We had been treating him for diabetes for the last 5 years of his life, and recently we were battling kidney disease, but doing all I could for treatment to keep his quality of life up. I was really hoping to get him to summer so he could go outside and enjoy some fresh air and sun.
If I knew I were going to be at this location for a while, I'd like to bury him. Its hard though, knowing the ground is frozen and he would just be suspended there until it thaws in Spring. I don't know anyone close to me that has been cremated, so I think that's hard for me to go through with, but reading through all these posts has been helpful.
Kelly I'm so sorry to hear about your losing your cats. I know its hard and I hope your plan works well. Your story helped me figure out what I can do.
Chris - I will visit the new space soon and maybe write a bit about the Poof. Thanks for setting it up!
Mel,
I have lost four cats since 2008. The first one was buried at my mother's house, in the country, where all of my childhood pets were buried, like a family pet plot. I did okay with that at the time, but I was about to have a baby, and was quite preoccupied. Also my husband got me a kitten to 'heal me', and even though I resisted, it did. When I lost my second cat in 2015, with whom I had a much stronger bond, I buried her next to the 1st cat, her sister cat. Suddenly that was not okay. I beat myself up for 3 years, and on the 4th year exhumed the 2nd cat and had her cremated. We've done cremation everytime after that. Getting the ashes back is not as comforting as I thought it would be, but I don't want any of their bodies left behind. I don't feel like they are 'with me', per say, but I feel like I did the right thing. I'm going back to exhume my 1st cat this spring. She shouldn't be out there alone. She is buried in Iowa, in sand, in a box, with maybe a garbage bag around that, for 12 years. Whatever is left I am going to take, and put her in a tote of good dirt, so she really can go back to the earth, but yet I can take her with us when we leave. When we move to our final home, I am going to use the dirt in that tote to plant a tree.
I know this probably sounds very detached, and I didn't name them, but things are so hard right now, that I have to disassociate or I'll be consumed with depression. I lost my best friend of 11.5 years last month on January 7th, after losing my four year old baby boy in April 2019. Life has been a nightmare.
I hope you get to do what sets your mind at ease, and helps heal your broken heart.
Miss Love,
I care what you have gone through. After reading your entry I just wanted to reach out. Yes, life is very hard. My pains are not your pains, but I do know what pain is like. I am so very sorry about your baby boy. While nothing that I say can change any of these circumstances that you are facing, I want you to know that you are not alone.
In 2007 we lost our seven year old cat Snapdragon and five years later we lost out one year old cat, Jasper. They were both buried in the backyard. About one month ago we lost out dog, Petey, and also buried him. I have been thinking about Snap and Jasper and thought that I should dig up their bones. It's been a long time that they've been gone now, but I was scared to look for their bones. I have been digging in the place where they were buried, but haven't been able to find anything at all. It helped me so much to read about how one person had only found calcium deposit debris, and nothing more. This is not what I'd expected that I would find. I feel that they are in a wonderful place and are at peace. I miss them. They were my beautiful friends.
In January 2018 I lost my first and oldest cat, Sally, after having her for 18 years. This was very painful for me. I had the flu during the time she was declining and I got to spend some very special time together. She was an amazing cat. She walked around the block with us several times as were were taking the dogs for a walk, which is unusual for a cat. She liked to look for stray socks and rags, then bring them to our house. We had a bit of a collection going. After we had to put her to sleep, I was grieving for her terribly, but one morning I woke up in bed and felt like she was right by me. I put my hand out to stroke her fur, but she wasn't really there. Still, I felt her presence. I know she is just fine and she is waiting for me, and I look forward to seeing Snap, Sally, Jasper, Clover (the only cat of ours that disappeared with no trace), and our sweet dog Petey who just passed away in February. We now have two cats and one dog left. They brighten my world, and at the same time I miss my furry friends who have moved on from this place to a far, far better one. So, when I get sad I try to remind myself that they are young again, happy, and all is well!
Miss Love, you will have all your dear ones back one day. Maybe that isn't today, but that day is coming. All of them want you to be as happy as you can possibly be. You are loved and no one can take that away from you. There are happy days to still come.
Very nice post, Zinnia's garden! Thanks.
By the way, having seen so many people comment here, I've made a small forum for anyone who wants to talk about their cat buddies who went to heaven.
Feel free to stop in at https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/catloss/
I have recently decided to dig up my 2 cats, which died in 2000 and 2001. Yes 20 years ago.
So far I have found my first cat that died in 2000. I could only find his leg bones. There was no smell and no wooden box left only the pillow still there in the ground.I haven't successfully found my other cat yet. But did find white looking clay which wasn't anywhere else. Think maybe my second cat has decomposed more quickly. Maybe the ground was more moist than the other area.
I have bought a box from a animal cemetery and going to put his bones in there until I see if I can find my other cat. There is going to be two plaques with their names and the dates they were born and when they passed. I live in New South Wales and the box cost $85 and if I want them cremated it will cost around another $300. This way I can have all my pets together on a shelf with me.
I have had cats all my life and I am now 73. Let me start with the first cat after I got married. He was a Sealpoint Siamese and named Squeaky. He lived with us as an inside cat for perhaps 7 years and somehow got outside, was hit by a car on purpose and left to die. I saw him out the window and ran down a gravel driveway barefoot to tenderly scoop him up and take him to the vet. He was alive on the way and died as we got there. I buried him in a cardboard box wrapped in my baby blanket next to our house. We then got two more Siamese cats a chocolate point and a Lavender point. They grew up with my twin girls and were like brothers to them. The moved with us from The Chicago Area to Detroit Area, To Key West, to Puerto Rico, and finally back to Orlando. After they died I made boxes out of bass wood and sealed them inside with a towel to lay on, their toys, ID, and a story about their lives and a picture. The boxes were painted white with latex paint and I hoped they would be safe forever. We didn't get cats after that for nearly a decade but I finally adopeted a less than 1 year old female torty, Sunshine, and she was great for me, but I left a lot and I thought she needed company so we got a Flame point male kitten. His name is Sparky and when Sunshine came down with cancer and we had to put her down, he was lonely. Sunshine was like his mother. We looked around and found another male, another Seal point about 6 to 9 months old. He became Sky. Sparky had is pancreas fail and I had to put him down. He was my real buddy. Both Sunshine and Sparky I got large Plastic Mailboxes and took off the flags. I wrapped both up in a small blanket and place them inside with their favorite toys, their stories and pictures. Taped under plastic on top I put what was inside and if found to just move it to another part of the yard. On the door I put a brass plaque with their name and years alive engraved. On Sparkys grave I put a flat head stone with his name, Flame point and years alive. It also has a sitting cat image on the stone. Sky is still with us but I plan to do the same. I often wonder what their remains look like inside the sealed containers, but I want to remember them as they were full of energy and love. Now that the 5 have crossed the Rainbow bridge I still go out and talk to them all 2 or 3 times a week. I miss my little buddies. Sky tries hard to be my buddy now and I love him to death.
We just lost my littlest furbaby yesterday and we're thinking of burying him in a plantpot. Can I ask if this worked? And how big was your pot? We're really unsure whether it's a good idea or not.
If it's easier and you don't mind, you could message me on my Facebook page, The Inadvertent Parent, or through Twitter, @InadvertentP
Hello,
Thanks for the helpful article.
unfortunately my family is in a tough situation. Our cat passed away 2 weeks ago because of heart failure. We buried him in a wooden box at a relative's farm, but we need to remove him and bury somewhere else as the farm will be sold. What do you think what could we expect digging him up after 2-3 weeks? Will it be infectious? We of course wouldn't touch the box, would take it up with a shovel and immediately put it into a bigger box to carry it to its new place. Will it be any insects,worms or anything on the box? Will it be smelly and will it smell after we buried him again at the new place?
@snufkin, it really depends on the climate as well as on how deep you buried your buddy.
My suggestion: Take 2 large trash bags. put one inside the other, so as to double up.
When the box is out, put it in the bags immediately and close them.
I also wanted to comment to the 3 people who made a post above this one which I had not acknowledged yet. Thanks for your comments, and much warmth to you.
If you feel the need to talk about your lost buddies, I have made a small forum here: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/catloss/index.php
Not much there yet, but I check in daily :)
Hi snufkin, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I finally lost my Annabelle to heart failure this month (see post above) and send you my best wishes.
In addition to what Chris said, I would advise you to prepare to see the worst now that it's warm most places. The body will not be particularly infectious, but it will likely be putrefying, very smelly, covered in insects, and distressing to see.
If at all possible, I would recommend that a good friend who was not emotionally invested in the cat do the disinterring if that can be arranged. It is not a good mix to be bawling your eyes out with a shovel and gardening gloves. It is possible to cry so hard that you can no longer see. Emotional distance is helpful for this work.
I wish you peace.
I lost my beautiful Ragdoll last May 8th 2019 she had been diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel disease, she was 8 years old. Her name was TayTay she was and still is my baby girl. Medicating her caused her PTSD as it was such a struggle to give the medications and she was never quite the same little girl afterwards. She became incontinent from the bowel and it was so hard to accept that it was time to let her go. I still struggle with my decision but I know it had to be the right one.
I booked her in to be euthanized and when the day came I couldn't do it, my daughter had come from interstate to support me in my decision and I just knew I had to go ahead. My heart was and still is broken I don't know if I will ever get over losing her she was my everything.I decided to bury her in my garden just outside my bedroom window where I have talked to her for the last 12 months.
Two days before our first anniversary I went outside and exhumed her after making the decision to have her cremated because if I move I would have to leave her in the ground.
When I buried her I had placed a teddy bear between her paws and wrapped a beautiful turquoise lay around her body before wrapping her in a bunny sheet. As I gently lifted her out of her resting place a couple of small bones fell out but as for the rest of her she still seemed a little heavy.and equal weight. I didn't look at her remains I want to remember her as she was before I buried her... so peaceful and serene.
I still haven't fully grieved because I'm scared that if I do I will have to let her go and I can't bear that, I love and miss her so much it's extremely painful still. I'm waiting for the phone call so I can bring her home.
Katie,
Don't apologize for loving TayTay beyond death. In fact, I believe that's true love, and anyone who can turn love off at death never really loved. Also, what I learned from grief counseling is that our pets are members of our household, we share our lives with them, we take care of them & see them daily, and we receive more affection from them than we do from most humans in our lives. Therefore, our grief at losing them is greater, because we are always their caretakers & caretakers always have guilt, which is compounded when we need to alleviate our loved one's suffering through euthanasia. If you had a good relationship with a good veterinarian, they would never have let you euthanize TayTay at a "wrong" time.
Please allow yourself to grieve. It's not letting them go from you, it's letting their soul rest in peace. TayTay will *always* be with you. She knows you did everything you humanly could for her. I bet she's been sending you signs already from the other side, to let you know she isn't suffering anymore & appreciates that you made a very difficult decision for her benefit: letting her go physically. You don't ever need to let her go in your heart.
My Wilhelm was the love of my life. I'm never going to get over losing him. I also had to forgive myself for not seeing the signs that my Boots had cancer - his suffering was short, but acute. They died a month apart last Fall. The only way I could even move past my grief was to bring 2 new kittens into my home, but even that's not been all happy. In any event, I'll always wish I had been able to save Wilhelm, but at least I have a video from his last full day to remind me of how sick he was feeling, why I had no choice but euthanasia. I knew for many years that's how Wilhelm would go, with his chronic health problems. I'm grateful for the 13 years I had with him, that's a fantastic life for a cat, but you can't tell that to my broken heart.
We always want more time with our loved ones, especially our pets. Hopefully getting TayTay's cremains will give you another layer of comfort. You're never giving up on her or giving her up, you're just allowing her to pass onto the next phase of her existence, holding your love for her in your heart. She wouldn't want her death to hold you back, or for her passing to delay your expression of grief.
I just also wanted to let you know that the owner of this blog set up a blog specifically for discussing our cats, from grief, to sharing pictures of cats who passed or current cats, and discussing exhumation, cremation, etc. She posted a link on here somewhere - oh, here it is: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/catloss/
I've been so busy lately I haven't been posting there but I'm going to try to be better about that.
Take care, and please stop by the tapatalk site & reminisce about TayTay. I'd love to hear more about her!
Kelly
I buried my cat 3 years ago in just the heavy cardboard box the vet sent us home with. It was winter at the time so we could only dig the grave about 1.5 feet deep. We are now moving and I’m worried that the new owners will accidentally dig him up if they do yard work in that area. I would like to relocate his remains to our new home. Will there even be any remains after 3 years? What should I expect? I live in PA where we have cold winters and hot summers.
Hi Julie,
You live in a temperate location and buried your cat relatively near the surface. Being in PA, I'm going to assume that your soil is a good fertile loam with decent drainage.
I would expect to find your kitty's skeleton with maybe just a little fur. I doubt there will be any intact flesh or smell. If you are inclined to report back what you find, it would help us to improve our data set for future questions.
Please accept my condolences for your loss, and my hope that you successfully locate his remains.
Hi, I lost my furbaby 2 days ago and since I live in an apartment, I buried him at a friend's place. Was thinking of relocating him into a plantpot later. May I know if this works and what do I need to do. You can drop me a message to my email at mimi.oth@gmail.com
Thank you for sharing this experience and to everyone who has commented.
Last night I buried my book in the back garden under the slab he used to sleep on but I’ve haven’t slept all night wondering what’s happening to him and thinking I should dig him up and have him cremated.
I don’t know why - he loved being outside.
He was blind and a house cat but he loved to be in the back garden so I thought that should be his final resting place but now I don’t know.
I hate thinking about him being in a cold, dark hole. But I don’t like the idea of him being burned either and I don’t think having his ashes would make me feel any better.
I knew this was coming but I can’t begin to explain how devastated I feel - I feel physically ill.
He was so loving and sweet and I told him yesterday if he was ready he just needed to let me know. A few hours later he did and I believe we did the right thing.
The vets were wonderful and he died peacefully in my arms. I can still see him and feel him dying when I close my eyes but I can make peace with that.
What I can’t stop thinking about is him being in a hole.
I always said that would be were I would bury him. I dug the hole myself, took his paw prints, kissed him goodbye and then placed him inside wrapped in his blanket on a bed of fur tree leaves (he used to love sniffing them), and I covered him over by hand and then put his slab on top.
But I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing.
I know it’s natural, and his energy is not there anymore but I still hate thinking of him being under the ground.
For those who cremated, did you feel better?
*boy
Apologies - tears lead to typos
Hi Celeste,
I know how you feel and I had exactly the same feeling when my buddy died. I thought many times about digging her up and looking at her one more time. Then the thinking about her being in the dark, cold soil all by herself. Just remember that the body is just a shell to carry the soul around.
What helped me was to plant a rosebush on top of her gave. This rosebush has now grown really big and I consider it hers. It's the nicest spot on the property.
Celeste, I cried as I read your post. It's been 8 & 9 months since I lost both my boys. I have 2 new kittens, but for many reasons, no one can ever be what they were to me.
I also struggled with having buried them. I couldn't afford cremation when they died, I had to pay their vet bills. My mom & sister were cremated, so I wanted to eventually treat my baby boys the same.
When I could finally afford to have them cremated, I went outside and had a talk with them, and this is what changed my mind.
I started by apologizing to them for burying them, then apologized again that I needed to disturb them by digging them up so I could take them for cremation. I explained what that was to them. And something dawned on me. They didn't want that. I wasn't doing it FOR THEM. I was only doing it FOR ME. They didn't want to be disturbed. They wanted to stay where they were, together, the way they'd been for over 13 years. They were ok with being buried. It was me who wasn't. They just wanted to rest in peace.
I learned to make my peace with it. I still cry daily over my loss. It still hurts so much, not just for me, but for what they lost, because they were brilliant. My vet had to use euphemisms and spell words around them, they could understand every word you said to them. They were fiercely loyal to me. They did not know the meaning of aloof.
I recommend waiting until your emotions aren't running as high as they are now. I sought grief counseling. I was glad I did, my counselor told me what I was experiencing was normal. It made me feel a little better. I talk about my babies as much as I can. I recently had their faces made onto face coverings so I can "be" them from the nose to the chin when I'm out in public. And I got these new babies. They hear the other cats' names more than their own. But that took months.
If you talk to your boy about it & you still feel like it's something he'd agree to, then do it, but resist the temptation to look at his remains too long. I don't want to go into detail when your grief is so fresh, it's just a bad idea.
My condolences, of course. Cats are truly the best people in the world.
Part 1:
My beautiful girl passed while sleeping next to my head on November 16, 2020. I last saw her around 2:30am when she had walked down her ramp from my bed. I got up, placed her in the litter box and went downstairs to the kitchen. When I returned I washed her paws and placed her in the sleeping bag where she rests next to my pillow. I woke up around 6am to find that she had passed -- body still warm. My heart was shattered and my composure went out the window. I allowed my other cat to see her although I assumed he was already aware. She was wrapped in a few blankets and I drove to my parents' house where we have buried other pets we have lost. When I arrived I noticed my father wasn't home. My mother explained that he was in Boston for work and she had to leave shortly herself. I always rely on my father during these times so I was in shock about how to proceed.
I dug a hole in a different spot than normal in the back yard. The sun was hitting it nicely and it spoke to me. I wrapped her in the smaller blanket I brought, realizing the second one would be excesively bulky to bury in the too-shallow grave. In my rush to leave my house I didn't grab any of her toys or mementos, or even a better suited blanket. I couldn't believe this is what I was doing. I buried her gently making sure her skin was entirely covered. I was in shock and trying my best to do what needed to be done, unable to think about the bigger picture. I found some stones around the yard and fabricated a makeshift monument which has since grown in scope and significance as I’ve visited every day since.
Over the following days this didn’t sit well with me. How could I bury my best girl like that? I felt she was cold and wet and dirty. Why didn’t I use a box? This agonizing tore me up and spun my head all day and night. I felt like a monster and I cried harder than I could imagine. A week later I reached out to an acquaintance who works at a funeral home I provide work for through my business. She invited me to come by and we talked for 45 minutes about what had happened, what my options were now, guilt and regret over the situation and what I should do. I have exhausted my friends and family with my spinning thoughts but this conversation was different. Calmly but with conviction she suggested I leave her be. Yes, the body is only a shell and she had moved on to a better place now. She assured me I had done the best I could and that it was in fact a beautiful burial. It was the only thing that broke me out of the crushing anxiety. As I drove home I was able to breathe. I accepted this idea in spite of still feeling guilty over the way she was buried.
I was able to function for the few weeks after this but I still felt terrible. The sadness was still all encompassing. Two weeks later I was working for another employee of that funeral home who I had known for a long time. We talked about my cat and how I still had regrets but was thankful for some solace in this time of immense grief. I started to feel an immediate rush of regret having not reached out to these people earlier. Although they did not provide services for pets they knew others who did and could have helped facilitate it. Cremation would have been simple with these connections. I still considered it, and what else I could do, as we talked, having read this forum just days before this meeting. By the end of that discussion she offered me a small burial vault and offered to send someone over (who happened to be exactly the grounds crew member of the funeral home who I needed to help in this way) to exhume my cat for a proper burial if I saw fit. They would cover the expense. Within an hour I had made up my mind and decided to proceed. No more days of wasted circular thoughts. The next day would be unseasonably warm and sunny for November and the laborer had time in his schedule to come by. I considered this a blessing and opportunity I could not pass up.
Part 2:
The next day around 2:30 he showed up and asked if I would like to be present. He suggested I may not want to be so I went inside my parents’ home to pace around for 15 minutes. When I returned outside he lad laid her in the vault, still covered in the original shroud, which I had lined with a better blanket, her sweaters, some toys, photos and a flower crown. I asked “how she was” regarding the condition of her body. It had been three weeks of fluctuating temperatures so we were not sure what to expect. He assured me she was good. I asked for a few minutes alone and knelt down. I struggled with the thoughts of seeing her one more time. At first I placed my hand on her torso. Her body was in great shape which gave me peace in that moment and has ever since. It was firm but not stiff — like she always felt to me. I brushed some dirt off her skin and cried. I plucked some fur and covered her up. I had to repeat this process a few times to be sure I was content. When I was ready I flagged down my friend to help seal the vault and fill in the grave. I felt the impulsive urge to take one more look at her in full. I settled on uncovering the side of her face and brushing her cheek with my hand. As I write this I’m not sure if I should have done more than that. I recall, after finally filling the grave, a rush of anxiety about how I had placed her sweaters on top of the blankets when I suddenly had the opportunity to place them against her skin. The same guilt for not placing her toy banana between her paws and for the dirt that was left on her skin. The guilt faded over the next week. As soon as the reburial was completed I felt incredibly light. In spite of some more mistakes I thought I made in this second attempt it was the proper burial she deserved. She would be warm and dry forever now and if the house is sold I can dig up the vault and take it with me.
She passed 39 days ago and I’ve visited her grave everyday. There are still a lot of feelings to work through, beyond the scope of this blog, which will take months and years to process. I still cry multiple times a day. She was 20 and lived a long life in spite of some significant health issues — two blinding cataracts, skin disease, major dental issues, arthritis and a phantom autoimmune issue that I think may have underlain it all. Dying next to me while we both slept was her ultimate gift to me. I can only hope I reciprocated in how I handled the matter of her final resting spot.
Clawdine was a blue-cream\lilac Cornish Rex. I adopted her on July 2, 2003 after the original owner could not easily move her overseas. She quickly was given the name “Garbage” after her penchant for knocking over the trashcan to find food. “Garby” is what stuck. She was my best friend and the most unique creature I’ve ever known. Being nearly hairless, she always wore clothes to keep warm. Perhaps it was the hasty first burial without her beloved pink plaid sweater that forced me to “redo” it. I’ve never had much basis in belief for what happens when we die. That made this experience a lot harder. It has been almost six weeks now and while I cannot know for sure what comes next I will do not fear my end because I will get to see her again. For those who have experienced the heartache of losing a beloved pet I implore you to look towards nature for signs. I have filled a notebook every day since with experiences that defy coincidence which let me know she is with me.
Thank you for this blog and all the comments above. If anyone is struggling with this decision I think you need to do what will satisfy your heart.
Eric, thanks for sharing your story. My heart ached when I read it.
I have no doubt that Garby had a wonderful life in your care, and now she can rest in peace.
I live in Michigan and in November of 2019 we had to have our sweet Oscar put to sleep. We burried him in the back yard wrapped in a blanket and inside of a cardboard box about 2 feet deep and placed rocks on top of the spot. We now have to have his sister Olivia put to sleep tomorrow and were at a loss of what to do with her. We will be moving in the next year or so and the thought of leaving Oscar and her behind is causing us and our 3 children so much pain. So we decided to have Olivia cremated. Our vet said it would be 100 to put her to sleep and another 300 to have her cremated and for us to get the ashes back, for us that is not exactly possible. So I called around and found a place that only does animal cremation and they said for 130 we could have her cremated and we would get her ashes back in a really nice memorial wood box with an imprint of her paw on it. We explained the situation and were told we could dig up Oscar if we wanted and have him cremated with her so we would be able to take them both with us and then they would always be together, but they also said they were not exactly sure what We might find when we dig him up. We decided we were going to do dig up Oscar so we could keep them together and take them with us when we move, and try and at least releave some of our families pain. So my husband and I dug Oscar up today while my kids were at school not knowing what to expect since it had been 14 months. Happy that the ground was not frozen and we could easily dig, we began to dig very slow as to not hit him. I can tell you that the cardboard box was completely gone but the blanket was intact. He was still completely wrapped in the blanket so I didn't see him, but the bundle seemed to be just as heavy as the day we burried him and because it's cold here and we have had snow the bundle appeared to be quite solid/hard when my husband lifted him out with a shovle, so I didn't see any decay or lack of better words pinkish puree. But the smell was very bad. My husband had COVID 3 months ago and lost 95% of his smell and he could smell it, it was so strong. We have placed the bundle in a fabric grocery bag and then put that in a plastic bag and tied it shut to help with the smell. I was very suprised how heavy he was and that he still had such a bad smell. We get vey cold winters here and hot summers, and the area we burried him can get quite wet if we get heave rain. Or melting snow so maybe that had something to do with it. But I am on the fence about taking a peak, part of me feels like I will regret it if I don't. I told my husband I have never dug up a pet and he smiled through his tears and said well this is what parents due to help their children and themselves find some kind I peace. I am a super emotional person so of course I broke down in tears. After the cremation is done I will post back an update and let you know if I chose to peek at my sweet boy one last time and what I saw and how I felt. Thank you everyone for your posts, nice to know we are not the only people to dig up a pet. I have never known anyone that has done this.
I do not have a profile but my name is Bethany and I just wrote about Oscar and Olivia.
Hi Bethany,
Very sorry to read that you have to go through this. I hope you can take some comfort in having the ashes with you, but I also hope that you will find comfort in sharing your story here.
It is thanks to people like you who share their story that others can get the information they need when they consider exhuming their fur babies.
All my best to you!
Chris
I never knew so many people had the same sad job of exhuming their favorite cat. I lost my Chicklet on May 7, she had squemous cell cancer in her eye. We tried everything, but it was no use. I had to put her to sleep and have not stopped crying since. She is buried in my back yard, but I now think that was a mistake. I decided to volunteer at a local adoption site, first hoping to find another tortie but now I just want her ashes to be with me always. Will there be a vet that will do this if I do take her remains to them? I don't know. Its just not getting any easier.
I am so very sorry for your loss, and all the people who have posted here can relate to this, it is not easy by any means.
Some of the comments above talk about exhuming and then cremating. I think it depends on the vet.
The best thing to do would be to call the vet and ask. If the vet does not want to do this, call a different vet. I am sure that you will find someone who can help you out.
Best of luck, and hang in there.
Chris
Thank you. Still can’t go a day without crying. But at least I know my story is not unique. I haven’t made a decision yet because I’m not moving but the pain of knowing she’s in mg yard hurts terribly. Thx again
I also would like to exhume my cat (Pushkin) in order to have him cremated. He's been buried in a large plant pot on my roof for the last 4 and a half years. I live in Malta, an island state in the Mediterranean, and our weather is pretty hot with very mild winters. Our only local cremation service, however, will refuse to cremate my cat if he's not fully decomposed, i.e. basically, just bones with no meat or skin on him. I'm very upset because I don't want to dig him up and then have to put him back in if not fully decomposed. It's very traumatic, but I'd like to do it now because his daughter (Xena) died two days ago and I'm going to have her cremated. So I'd like to keep both of their ashes with me always, even when I have to leave my current residence. Does anyone know please if a small cat of about 5 or 6 KG would have fully decomposed in a plant pot after 4 and a half years? He was wrapped only in a flannel sheet and tied with a piece of string. If I am to go through that painful experience of exhuming Pushkin, at least I'd like to know if it will be a fruitful exercise. Thank you.
Hi Simone,
My heart aches after reading this. I am so very sorry you are going through this.
Please accept my sincere condolences.
While I am certainly not an expert, so many people have shared their experience here in the comments to my original post, that I've had the privilege of gathering a little knowledge on the subject.
But again, I am not an expert.
After 4 years, in a mild climate, I'd think tat Pushkin has decomposed.
Is there anyone who can check for you, so that you don't have to do it yourself? Maybe a friend, or a family member?
Post a Comment